Cards with "Bob"

Bob (not his real name) is a very very smart man who suffers from extreme schizophrenia.  I got to know Bob very well over the course of my time at Safe Haven.  He would tell me stories that could be books about the history of the universe (even though they were a little out there).  One of the unfortunate things about Bob is that he thinks he is God.  He is sure that he created the universe and he remembers doing it.  Normally it isn't a big deal but sometimes Bob gets combative.  If you deny his reality, he gets mad and confused.  It was hard to see him like this because he is trying to get across a point but what goes on in his head is so different from what actually comes out of his mouth.  One of the case workers explained to me that schizophrenia is like wearing headphones and the "music" playing is a terrible voice that tells you to kill yourself, kill others, you are worthless and you should die.  So I can only imagine how hard it is for Bob to cope with reality, let alone the fabrications in his mind. 

So one day I asked Bob if he liked cards.  He did and we found a table and played Gin.  I tried to distract Bob by talking a lot, not allowing him to get lost in his own thoughts.  It worked for a little while but I realized he was getting tired.  We had barely played one hand before his mind took over and the game was moot.  I felt bad and began talking again trying to get him away from his thoughts.  It did not work and he eventually said he needed to go lay down.  I shook his hand and told him how much fun I had playing cards with him and we should do it again soon.  He thanked me too.  He said that people are not patient with him and he appreciated the time I spent with him.  He said his life is lonely and scary and wished other people were more like me.  I was touched because I understood that he is fully aware of his disability and how crushing that must be to know that there is something wrong with you but there is nothing you can do about it. 

People like Bob make me want to go back and volunteer every day.  If I had gobs of money and nothing but time you better believe I would be there most of the day.